Jasper Sitwell Can Never Eat Lettuce Again
warnings for good guy Sitwell, past Sitwell/Coulson (amicable), present PiningForBarton!Coulson, sex pollen, terrible sexual metaphors, and probably minor dubcon?
also terrible lettuce mentions
RES IS THE ACTUAL LITERAL WORST
Cuz Coulson won’t fucking shut up about Barton and all the things he’d like to do to him, even as he keeps latching his mouth to Sitwell’s neck, even as Sitwell tries to maneuver him up the stairs, past his nosy neighbors, and into Coulson’s apartment. He’s like an octopus that’s latched onto its prey, but the only thing he keeps mumbling is that Sitwell have a loving and trusting relationship, so what could a threesome with Barton hurt?